long lost internet posts vol 2

oct 31, 2007

Aaaaawwwww Shit

Current mood:indifferent

Good day to you and Happy Halloween.

Last night I had one of those nights where it all seemed to have gone terribly wrong. Somewhere within the twilight began an emotional rollercoaster that I don't remember purchasing tickets for. The Child was throwing tantrum after ungodly tanrum, full body throwing on the floor, hands flailing and the like. They would not end. And I have no clue where they were coming from, so there was nothing I could do but walk away. Thats the smart thing, right? Cuz last time I checked, you're still not supposed to shake the shit out of them.

However, I was Saved by a Friend, some music, a Sister and escape.... the night turned itself around. Became enjoyable. I came home to a beautiful, sleeping child. And I woke this a.m. thinking, today, today will be better. All is erased, and we have started over. Awesome.

And then I got in a car accident.

8:40am, kid melting down in the backseat about the sun in her eyes, I slammed into the car infront of me. Word up. Thanks Halloween. Thanks Mercury in Retrograde. Thanks to my 1/2caffinated self for not paying close enough attention.

The last time I felt this way was 10 years ago, the morning of my 20th birthday, when i rear-ended someone after sliding on black ice. The night before I had died my hair hot pink, as the last hurrah for my "teenage" years and hated it. I ended up with 1/4in shaved head & raw scalp from trying to wash it all out. I got all fucked up from not wearing my seatbelt and the first person to wish me happy birthday was the cop as he handed me back my license & my ticket. He also happened to be my mother's former high school boyfriend. Thank you small town & good times.

So, thats it for me today. No one is injured this time, the car is being repaired as we speak, and I am keep my lunch date with an old friend.

So, I hope your Halloween is better, I hope on this last day of Mercury in Retrograde you can escape unscathed. Tomorrow.... tomorrow is yet another day, but I'm gonna see if I can't get out there and keep THIS DAY from kicking my ass on PRINCIPLE.

-over and out-

feb 12, 2008

31 Bitches!

Current mood:adventurous

I don't know what's happened to me.... but for forever and a day i have greatly disliked my birthday. Not in the, "I hate my birthday.... (wish me happy birthday)" kinda way, but in the all out, acting out, somwhat rage-filled, antsy disgust kinda way. And I know that bothers people, i get that. But whatever, for the most part its just another day anyway, and whats in a number blah blah blah.

And then last year, I could feel my excitement brewing months before the big day. Some people freak out at the mere thought of getting older, and I looked 30 in the face and was never happier. I have never felt better (for the most part) and really feel like I am finally coming into my own.

So here we are, on the eve of 31, and again.... things feel good. I am not trying to skip out on a party, or ignore plans that are arising.... I feel GOOD. And this time, I AM getting tattooed again. Last year never came to fruition with the move and all, but i am in the throws of actively pursuing an artist and we will be off and running.

Oh, and did I mention its been 43 days since I had a drink? Or that I have been going to the gym 6 days a week for the past 5 weeks? We'll see where this leads me.....

Clarity.... its interesting.
-over and out-

long lost internet postings

So, its not super amusing, or insightful, but i totally spaced on still having a myspace profile (can you believe it?!?!?) and after taking quite some time to come up with the correct email/password combo so i could go in and delete it, i had forgotten that i had taken to blogging there rather than here. SO, for the sake of keeping my bizzaro thoughts in once place so that when i am feeble minded and in a nursing home i can have some memory of what my life was like on the "outside" and in my youth, i am adding those posts here. Not that they are worth it. I just have a hard time deleting the written word and letting it all slip into the ether. hmmmmm

jan 12, 2007

This is my confession angel, lets not make too much about it

Current mood:amused

never thought I'd use this... one blog is already too much for me to handle. But here I go...

My memories are totally controlled by music... while packing today, i picked up congregation by the whigs and thru it in. Its been awhile since last listen, and the fucking floodgates opened.....memories of where i was, how I got this album and what my life was like at the time started rushing back..... Barely 16, and my waaaaaayyy too old for me, cradle-robbing boyfriend of 28, gave me this album after previously putting the most suggestive songs on a mix tape. Now, its true, he was old enough to know better... I was just dumb enough not to care... What I couldnt see then, I saw in time... but this album started my now 14 year-strong love affair with any music Greg Dulli puts out. I own it all, love it all, and have one hell of a sordid situation to thank for getting it to me.

aahh the memories.

jan 24, 2007

even when its empty

Current mood:thoughtful

Yesterday I filled in one of my fav clients that I'm moving, and I got the best compliment....

He said he's bummed because I am one of the only people he knows who always tries to see the "glass as half-full." He followed that with: "Even when the glass is empty, I bet you still see it as half-full." And then he tipped me 50bucks. Now that's hot.

I like being veiwed as optimistic, because in all honesty, that's more of who I am.... how I want to be. There are a million patterns of behavior that are so worth breaking, and all I know is I'm gonna try my best.

These days my darkness is much more quiet and still. It resides in the gentle pauses, moments in between..... lurking, mysterious. Bringing comfort, yet safer when its caged.

I never claimed I wanted things to be easy. I guess we all get our wish.

jan 26, 2007

Peer Pressure

Current mood:bouncy

Just fer cuz.... Because I can, and I know it will make you laugh. Because I know I drive you nuts and you let me. And because you give up and let me win.... THANKS FOR:

~ making turning 30 seem like 19 again (but without all the drama)
~ being just crazy enough. You know, to keep up with me, not get arrested, bring me outta my shell
~ this is the only time I will admit this: for stealing that notebook in chem. and starting all this.
~ getting our nails did & cornrows at rolling acres
~ giving in and liking The Afghan Whigs. could you even imagine what the last 10 years would have been like without that? fer realz
~New Orleans, pan handling, camel wide lights, and taking a sober ride from a drunk cabdriver to avoid crackhead bob. you know... GOOD TIMES.
~ always having my back, and never judging me....even when i am being totally fucking insane
~ not minding too much when i stopped drinking gin
~ figuring out how to make me eat
~ never holding a grudge
~ making me steal that jacket. I both love and hate that night, and drunk as I was will never forget it as long as i live.
~ getting me to tweeze my eyebrows. SERIOUSLY, that was some scary ass shit
~ joining me on just about every music adventure. except Hamell on Trial. And I will give you that because sometimes, sometimes even I am just smart enough to know when you won't budge
~ Shoes for Pants, peepee pants, AND not hating me when i (still) think its so funny i tell everyone and laugh till i cry. (Poor Uncle, how could he even stand us on that trip?!?!).
~ joining myspace so I can have yet one more way to bug the living shit out of you till we are so old our arthritis keeps the keys from clicking.

and last but certainly not least... taking the baby bet. If that's not the truest test of BFF, I don't know what the f is.

Welcome to the internet. ;-)

march 7 2007

Keepin it real.... Real Crazy.

Current mood:determined

Its 7am and I just tricked my kid into going back to sleep. Hopefully it will work for a few extra minutes or I fear I may never blog again. I will admit it.... moving is insane! Why have I not chosen easy moves in my life? Why does it always have to be well over a few hundred miles minimum for me to feel like its all been worth it?

And don't even get me started on how weird it feels having moved back to my hometown after all this time. I see people all over, and I think they look like people I used to know back in LA or Chicago. And we are now under yet another blanket of snow... looks like somewhere around 4 in, and what I wouldn't give for some balmy weather and palm trees. Blah.

Moving into an old drafty crazy house brings its own joys and miseries, and last week had me at the threshold of hell somwhere around my 30th trip to the hardware store, thankgod for What?!? coming in town and explaining all this shit to me I would have needed a vacation. You know, in the Bin. Home improvement and seasonal depression mixes not. So rather than medicating with alcohol, which I would normally resort to, I chose sugar, and somehow still managed to act like a crackhead and lose 4lbs. Who knows how these things happen, but they do.

Evreything seems somewhat back to normal, or at least my bedroom is now unpacked and I can find clean clothes. No more excuses as to why I wasn't bothering to take a shower for a few days there. Whoops! And I decided that while Mercury is ending its retrograde I will abstain from any home improvement projects... at least until the special order screws are in for the door. Who knew 3in wood doors aren't made anymore, neither is the hardware to fit them? I do now.

Now I have to decide how I am going to shovel out all this snow so I can get the kid to the sitters and make my meeting to hammer out all the details of my new job. Important details... like money and when my benefits kick in, so my husband can quit his freaking job and live with us full-time.

Easy is NOT my middle name.