"Accidents will happen/

Not only hit & run/used to be the victim/now I'm not the only one..."

So, Sleestacks & ConnieFrancis know a little about all this, cuz they been down this road before, on the way to see us for the big LA kegger/goodbye Carters party no less, but Thursday night Rach-o & I were in a car accident. Word up. Now now, dear internet, do not fret. We are not too worse for the wear, but damn if I did not end up with some massive whiplash. So whip it, whip it good.

Oh yeah, gotta love accidents. And the fact that some housewives still drive sedans in this neck of the woods, otherwise, at the massive 35mph that she was freeflowin' down the road, not minding anything other than her own business, she would have done WAY more damage as she ran smack-dab into the ass-end of Rach-o's car. We were without baby (thank god), as we were headed (pizza's in hand) to a (forgive me in my lameness) (gasp) Candle Party of all things. Yes, yes, how quickly things change. I go to Mommie & Me classes, and (uh) Candle parties. To make matters worse, this was my first night out since The Great Dancing Debacle of 2004 (if you missed it, check out: Christmas is coming... from Dec.)

So I spent Friday at the Dr. getting checked and ex-rayed. Nothing broken, just shaken, not stirred. Ah well, I was told that my back would be better in about 2 weeks. Awesome. 2 weeks of back pain with a small child is nothing like an eternity in hell, right? LMAO.

In Other News:

Dollimomma & H came for a quickie weekend visit. It was supposed to be for Fer & I to hit the town together, but, with the crappie-back... scotch & thai food took its place. I think that provided even better healing power than a night out or a bottle of tylenol. (wink wink)

-over and out-

A Picture Share!

A Picture Share!

2,000 miles. . . and then what?

So, when shit hits the fan, it sure knows how to fly. Its hard being all torn up about stuff, and then walking around like there is not a care in the world. Because its hard to carry baggage around with you, day in and day out. But sometimes things require more thought and contemplation and. . . lo and behold, baggage.

Somehow I knew that I would get 2,000 miles closer to my 1st home base and i would feel like it was not close enough. Case in point, this weekend Rach-o was back in o-HI-o as things were going haywire in family land. Of course my first instinct is to get in the car and be right there. Not to do anything mind you, just to be. But, practicality outweighed, and here i am.

Ok, here goes, I am just gonna lay it out there:

One of my grandmothers is sick. Like, quite sick. The big 'C'. Its strange when you think there is a course of events that will unfold in somenone's life, and not that you expect that string of things to be good mind you ( i mean, my grandma has never taken care of herself per se) but what ends up happening is no where near what you thought would happen. You know? I mean, when you are already preparing yourself for bad things to come, how is it that life can still blindside you? Strange. My daughter is the 5th generation of 1st born daughters born to 1st born girls, and I think that is really amazing.

I realize that I never really talk about my Dad (Ta) on here that much. I think its because he is a really private person. Although i know he does not read this, because its out there in the land of the internet... well, I just wonder about things that are said. Anyway, to say he is having a rough time would be a gross understatement. Thank god he has "the group" because his outlook is the best that it can be. But... worry is worry... what can you do. Hang in there Ta...

In Other News:

Ellie and I joined a mommy & me class today with our (one and only friend so far) Emily. I am hoping good things to come, i swear. I think it will help with not feeing so isolated, as well as just having people to chat with mommy stuff about. Not like i dont now, but, well, its good to hear what other mothers are going through and how they handle stuff. I feel bad sometimes lying to friends when they ask if I am taking time for myself, getting out of the house and spending time with Fer. Have you gone out to dinner just the 2 of you? Um, let me think, that would be no. As in, No, i have not gone out to dinner period. With, or without the child. Have you been making time for yourself? Hmmm, If you mean making time to email and update my blog by myself, or watch some (albeit great) mindless TV that my pal TiVo saved for me, then yes... I have time to myself a few times a week. And how do i feel about all of this? Lousy. Do i have plans for improvement? Well. . . Don't we all?

-over and out-

Winter Wonderland

So, dear internet, it has been many days since we have spoken. So sorry. There has just been so many things to do this past week and time just kept flying by. Oh well. There are many new developments around these parts:

Elliott has not only been napping on her own, she has been doing it 2 times a day for a while now. And on top of that, she not only has 1 tooth above ground, but is cutting another one as we speak. So when shit happens, apparrently its been proven to happen all at once. My little girl is gowing up, up, up.

It snowed here like MAD on Friday and Saturday. I have to admit, i loved it. It was the amount of snow that makes every little thing impossible, so we just sucked it up, bundled up, and Chetty came and picked us up in his 4wh-drive machine so we could share some good food and company. When it snows to the point that you are in awe of what will happen next, its a good experience.

There are so many new things on the horizon, Princess Mombi is getting married in May and there are many, many plans for parties to be made in the meantime. More and more friends (and even bestfriends) are having babies... Ellie is going to have a million friends from coast to coast. Maybe we will take her on tour. Soon I will be yet another year older, not necessarily wiser, but I can change a diaper in my sleep, so that has to count for something. And, as Katochanel reminded me today, I have to set a date to have all this "original sin" wiped off my baby. ;-) All in due time, my friends, all in due time.

In Other News:

Tivo is still rocking my world... although with this whole thing about not watching live tv and forwarding commercials, I am realizing I am missing the ever important trailers for new movies. I have no clue what has come out, or what will be coming out in the next few months that I should be making notes to see. So internet, keep your ears to the ground and make sure to mention any movies of note. Or maybe I should just get a subscription to Entertainment Weekly. . .

"Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, but not a drop to drink."

-over and out-

A Picture Share!

Party hearty, Rock n' Roll

So, we had a kick-ass time over with KatoChanel for her B-day on Friday. The Champagne was a-flowin, let me tell you. And, lo and behold, the Queen of the Party Brigade was.... you guessed it... Lil Miss Ellie-Bean herself.

That girl is all rock-in-roll. She knew there were new peeps to meet, new things to see, and songs to be sung, so she had a smile on her face till she passed out in her daddy's arms at 11:30. Well, to be accurate, she went to sleep around the normal bedtime (7pm) and woke up at 9pm ready to rumble. So we just let her. I mean, who really can say know to that face, especially with THE NEW TOOTH SHE HAS SPROUTED IN THE LAST 24 HOURS.

Yes yes dear internet, Miss Elliott Rose has her VERY FIRST TOOTH!!!! Holy shit. As soon as its above ground enough for photos, you know I will post it here.

In Other News:

Its a 3 day weekend for mr. Fer. Word up. We met up with Chetty & Debbie and did some shopping with the SUPER-DUPER generous gift cards we got for Christmas. (Thanks again everybody) Good times. And for now, thats all she wrote.

-over and out-

Global warming for the mentally challenged

Ok, so i know that global warming is bad bad bad news. But, for people like me (read: seratonin deficeint) its really not all that bad. Yesterday it was sixty, SIXTY. Do you hear me?!? SIXTY degrees in the midwest in January! I was out with Rach-o and the babe shopping in a t-shirt. No coat, no hat, scarves or mittens. And that, my friends, is what turned this boat around. One day, thats all it takes. Well, and the few (too many) bottles of wine rach-o, Fer and I shared last night to let off a little steam. I did not feel like a new woman at 7am, but now, now I feel like a new woman.

So, thank you Global Warming, and Thank You, sweet internet, for all your comments, calls, emails and good wishes for this sad girl. I am sad no more. But I will let you all pick me up again, if i should need it.

In Other News:

Today it is snowing, and so we are staying in and out of the cold. But, tomorrow it is KatoChanel's birf-day and we are gonna Celebrate good times come on! The Bean can't WAIT to see you. Happy Birthday.

Oh, and internet... sssshhhhhhhhh. Guess who's sleeping ;-)

-over and out-

A Picture Share!

Uncle

Dear Internet,

It's official, I think I'm depressed. It's a strange thing, how it sneaks upon you... like a bad smell coming from the refridgerator. Like, at first, you are not sure if you even smell anything. Then it overcomes you and before you know it, you freak out and throw everything away.

I thought yesterday I was just having a bad day. Or, more importantly, Elliott and Lilah were having bad days. Ellie was giving me a run for my money, and Lilah decided that it would make everything better if she went and destroyed a few of Ellie's toys just to balance it all out. Yeah. Nothing pisses me off more than tending to a screaming infant, turning around and finding not 1 but 2 of her favorite toys demolished.

But this morning when I woke up, I knew it was not just Ellie and Lilah. It's me. Granted, day 2 of tears from Ellie isn't helping, but in the last 1/2 hour things seem to be getting better. Or maybe the constant crying is just out of her system. Little lizard is a firm believer that sometimes that's all we need, a good cry.

The nature of this beast always defies reason. I know that i wanted to cry this morning when Ellie put her little chubby hand on my cheek and looked into my eyes like she was trying to tell me it is all ok. But, how much more of a failure can I feel when I feel like there is nothing left to give? i mean, this kid is only 5 months old and already i am feeling spent? Sure sure, some days are better than others. And its not even the move that has made me feel this way. I think i would be feeling disconnected no matter where I was living at this point. Maybe its just the pre-mommy/now-i-am-a-mommy personalities duking it out inside me. Maybe its the notion that people with kids often do not want to talk about the realities of it all. I mean, it cant be awesome all the time. What the hell is wrong with admitting that? I know that overall its better than it is worse, but seriously, when do we get to admit to all the other emotions?

But then I hear her make those noises that she makes... the ones where i can tell she is trying to make a real laugh... and she is googling and talking and smiling up at me... like she is saying look mommy! I can do all these things and share them with you! Look at me eat my purple elephant's nose! Its fun, and she hands it up to me with a look of "You try!" And for those moments I feel complete.

When the tide it out, we can play.... but when its in, somehow, I am forgetting how to swim.

-over and out-

Fer the Rekkid...

So, I have a few things to set straight.

1. regarding Fer's post about the "pizza" incident. Listen, it may have been the worst meal that I have ever "made" but... do we want to talk about the fact that I made all Ellie's food, spent 2 1/2 hours scouring the kitchen till the chrome was blinding, did 7 loads of laundry, folded it all & put it away, spent valuable time with my spawn, took fer shopping for new work clothes and shoes all in that same day? I think not. So i forgot that I put the damn pizza in the oven. sue me.

2. Myspace... its apparrently where all the boys and girls hook up these days. My "boyfriend" can be found at http://www.myspace.com/uptownlights
;-) Enjoy.

3. Its not very easy to type while little hands and feet punch, kick and point and click. I think i hear her uttering "My, computers are such wonderful things!" Sure kid, go ahead, tell the sweet, sweet internet all the things you want to say:

s zavccwwvntn g, 3gwbnvvcn.,ydfuhhnnnnnnnnnnv

word up!

-over and out, dao and da bean-

I love me some Boyfriends

Tivo is the best thing on earth because now, when one of my boyfriends is on TV i do not have to miss it. Even if it happens to be at a conflicting time, or after I have gone to bed. From Bam Margera (Viva La Bam) to Vince Vaughn or even Joaquin Phoenix, i can catch up with all my boyfriends whenever I want.

But, even with Tivo, and a genius baby who is already scooting her butt around trying to crawl, I still find things that make me wish I was in LA. Case in point:

One of my greatest regrets about leaving LA is no more Twilight Singers/whatever project Greg Dulli wants to be part of, shows whenever the mood strikes. They have shows booked for Feb. at Spaceland... the club that was within walking distance from our old apartment in LA. I mean, they still make it to Chicago every once and again, but the great thing about LA was that all the apathy carried over to the music scene and therefore, unless you were going to see someone that was over the top popular, you could ALWAYS find a way in. And I always did. The only show that I missed was the one we were standing outside of on the day I found out I was pregnant, and for once, for the first time really, going to see a band was not the priority. Other than that, I missed none.

And now they are playing again. Oh well, I will have to let my TV boyfriends be enough for now, and hope they come and play a show in Chicago soon. ;-)

In Other News:

Congrats to Chetty and Debbie, the newlyweds who braved Ireland's 1st tornado in recorded history to be wed in a magnificant castle. Welcome home.

Week 2 is upon us with Fer's job and me in the land of babies. My grandma Q is headed for surgery soon and its gonna be tough. There are many people around me that could use some prayer and love from the universe these days.... so, if you are out there and thinkin' good thoughts, send some this way.

tonight, it must be said, you know I love you all.

-over and out-

This battle I must win

Four days and counting. Fer has returned to the working world and I am in The snowy Land of Babies. Its nice here, everything is pretty to look at, however, I am starting to realize that in the Land of Babies, there is only one King. Or should I say Queen. And that's queen with a capital "D" in front, as in... Drama. Yes one and all, I have a Drama Queen all at the tender age of 5 Months.

See, I know where I went wrong. She was so soft, warm, cuddly... new and amazing. So I held her all the time. What was the harm I thought... I mean, she does not sleep with us, so I should like hold her all the rest of the time to like, bond and stuff. Well... have I created a monster.

Four days in a row, 2 times a day, one hour each, I am STILL TRYING TO GET THIS GIRL TO NAP. My mom thought I was lying about Ellie's inability to self-soothe and sleep on her own. 10 days in ohio showed her I have the most stubborn child on the planet. And this momma wants a little of her life back, so... I am hoping that she will begin to recognize a pattern to these times of exile.

Yes, yes, i know this is coming off harsh, but picture this, sweet internet: she is resting in my arms, i lightly set her down and she snaps awake, GLARINGLY, as if to say, Goddamnit Woman! We have been THRU this before. HOLD ME! and she starts to wimper. I must admit, knowing what I know now, i am not won over by the cries. I say have a nice nap, and walk away. Over the next hour all types of cries come forth.. some playful, some really pissed. But I let her do it, hoping against hope that she will eventually tire, and rest.

Silly woman, I know.

I return to her room 1 hour later, as recommended by the book I have read, because after this hour, she is no nearer to sleep then the second she left my arms. I look over the crib and . . .

The crying/whimpering/whining stops, and lo and behold.... A Grin. From ear to ear... no tears in sight. She looks at me all big-blue-eyes, and clearly says: "Told you, I've won again. When will you learn. Simpleton."

Wait.... as i type this... she is quiet. After 4 days, do you think she might actually have fallen asleep? Ah, no. Ha ha, my mistake. She must have been sucking her new-found thumb. Awesome. Like mother like daughter, isn't that what they say? ;-)

In other news:

Over 6 inches of snow is on the ground right now. The nice thing is that it's a beautiful sunny day, and there is so much light streaming in our house right now. I realize that I missed the midwest, but had forgotton about the tricks a lack of sunlight can play on my brain. So, as decided by myself and Fer last night to help keep me out of the woods, I must start a bi-weekly sessions at our local tanning salon to help keep those deep dark thoughts at bay. It seems strange to admit that I go tanning rather than taking an anti-depressent, but really, if given the options, which would you choose?

-over and out-

Yummy

Yummy, originally uploaded by nonobaddao.

So, Elliott has begun solid foods. These are photos taken from her very first encounter with mashed bananas and a little rice cereal mixed in. Most babies are not too into food the first time. Well, this kid, you would have thought this is the moment she has been waiting for ALL HER LIFE. Its like she has never been fed before. All this time with the milk, well, we must have just been starving her... or maybe we just don't like her very much that we have been keeping all this yummy goodness away from her for so long.

Only 6 days into her new feedings, and she has already begun to realize that there are special bowls and spoons that belong to her and she starts opening her mouth and going uh-uh waiting for the food to pour in.

I was eating a turkey sammich and chips yesterday, and she was glowering with contempt with every bite I took. As if to say... "You! Vile Woman... hand over that food. I know where you sleep, and if i could get to you... you would be in trouble."

Apparrently, Lilah, there will be no yummy baby scraps for you.

In other news:

I have to go out today, on this snow day, and buy many more food options for this wee little one. I should have known...

...And God said, I hate you Alfalfa!

Forgive me, i can't believe its been almost 1 month of not posting. Where oh where does the time go?

Happy Christmas, New Year, and Holidays in general. Went home for 10 days for the first time in a long time, and the first time with the wee little one. Its amazing how its human nature or something to always feel like there is never enough time. And it never is enough time for everthing you want to do or say, because you never want to say or do things that will indicate the end of a trip. So the time comes to a close and everyone is sad because all those things there were to talk about and plan and see have been thrown by the wayside because time passes you by while you are trying to stand still. Is that a lyric or something? Anyway, I digress... things in Ohio wonderful and we experienced an honest to goodness blizzard.

We came home however to find the threshhold of hell. for 2 whole days, we were Murphy's Law. The Furnace, crib, toilet, and computer, all broken. Oh yes my friends, it was what we call "A banner f**kin year in the old Bender household." Things seem to have righted themselves and Elliott saw fit to give me the best New Years gift ever. A quiet, happy, easily appeased baby so that mommy could nurse her hangover in peace. After all the broken crap around me, Momma needed a drink, and what better than a few bottles of Champagne. (Thanks again KatoChanel, you saved my spirit)

I have high hopes for the coming year, already Ellie is eating "real" food and loving it. She is growing so quickly... its just amazing. For as hard as it can be, this is definately one of the best things I have ever been a part of.

Fer starts his new job tomorrow, and we are all excited and nervous... but everything seems to be working out. My dad and I were talking about how sometimes you just have to take that leap of faith and know that somehow, some way, a branch is gonna catch you . . .

We are on our way.

In other news:

Tivo, I love you in oh-so-many ways, but most of all, I love that you recorded GH every day that I was gone, the power went out, and you still had all those wonderful holiday episodes waiting for me. I think that is the meaning of true love. LOL.

-over and out-