Welcome Back, Carters....

Well, we made it. Back into the land of the living from a week in northern Wisconsin. When they said we were going to Wildman Ranch, they were not kidding. I saw death only once, during my extreme ATV ride up and back down the side of a mountain. It was over 2 hours long, and extremely hard, let alone for a first timer. BUT, much to my dismay while I was doing it, I finished the trail and I have toadmit our guide was right, I am damn proud of myself. Who cares. I only burnt my ankle once and its healing well. lol.

I also got to join in on the horseback riding, which I had not done since I was a young girl, and it was amazing. 2 hours of trails through the northern woods on the most beautiful and pristine morning. The sky looked like a painting all day... it really was serene.
Most of the time Elliott and I got to hang out and walk around in the wilderness, drenched in Deep Woods Off. It was awsome for me to see her so excited about all the new things she was encountering, and it reminded me of where I grew up... all the time I spend in our ravine as a kid; dreaming, getting lost, planning life. Yes, I was a planner even then.

And I think during all this, Fer and I came to some resolutions: we are really spending time reflecting and figuring out what we want, what it all means to us, what we see for our future, and its really exciting. There's a lot of life to be lived, and we are gonna make our mark on it. And maybe even take a vacation just the 2 of us..... someday.

We also came face to face with our little climber. She was all over the alpine tower climb... claiming "I can do it daddy, I can do it daddy, I can do it." as we let her make it as far up as we felt comfortable. We'll put a video up of it as soon as we can... since we came home to work every day for me (sat-thurs) and Fer is headfirst in catchin-up round his place. And so it goes, back to the grind, happy to be back, with some good memories and great photos. But for my next vacation, I have my fingers crossed for a sandy beach somewhere, a little shade, and a nice breeze. Wink wink.

Tree hugger at Heart

As I sit here this am, eating my bowl of Organic Granny Smith Granola with Soy Milk, listening to Nada Surf, with my unshaven armpits I can't help but think..... what the F happened to that Punk Rock girl we all used to know and love?!?!? Man have I mellowed or what.

I guess I always knew I was a tree hugger at heart, but somehow, finding long losts on MySpace last night (hi Jason!!) I was smacked in the face with where I've come from.... and its been a kick ass journey so far.

(oh, BTW mom, you might want to stop reading here, but if not, don't say I didnt warn you:)

It was in the basement of Jason's mom's house that I took acid for the first time, on spring break, 1994 and had a horrible, horrible time. Bob & Jason tried to make it up to me, you know... like guide me to get me outta it, and it almost worked, till I realized I had curfew. We had to have Jason's mom drive my car home... that was after I spent almost 2 hours crying on his front stoop cuz i couldn't figure out what was happening to me. HA HA HA. Thank god I was too young to know that I ought to be embarrassed by that, and that Bob, Jason & Geoff were nice enough, were friends enough, that they didn't make fun of me for it. Thats really a test of friendship, now isnt it.

In case you are wondering, no, I never did take acid again, (although I wish I could say the same about some other subtances). I was too afraid it would land my unstable ass in the nuthouse, and let's be honest here... most days I only thought I had a hall pass from it anyway. LMAO.

So the memories.... they keep coming back.... and lets just say I am lucky enough that the majority of my life thus far has consisted of good times........... good times.

-over and out-

Peter, I've lost my marbles

Well, maybe I haven't lost my marbles, this time, but it seems as though possibly everyone is on the verge. Everywhere I turn these past few days, almost everyone I know is doing something/ saying something drastic. From being bitter and quitting jobs, to flying off the handle and overall extreme distress, I really couldn't figure it out. Then Fer mentioned that it is SOOOO extreme, that it must be cosmic. And then I remembered..... AH HA! It is:

I attended this event called "Cosmic Trends" a few weeks back and it was all about astrology and planetary alignment and what's going on around us and in the future, very interesting stuff. And all I have to say is for the next 4 weeks be VERY VERY careful. With everything. Apparrently there is a cosmic shift that astrologers have been watching for the past 2 years, and it is happening now. So, if you dont want to lose that nice jewelry, put it away for 4 weeks. If you don't want to be taken the wrong way, say nothing. If you don't wanna wreak your car, WAIT a second longer before making the turn. Its kinda a shift that brings about Murphy's Law In case you are a nerd bird like me, the alignment is Saturn opposing Neptune with 2 eclipses... so what that means is a direct butting of heads between our logical minds and our spiritual beings. Amazing stuff really, but some of you may think that I too have lost my marbles. Oh well. The point is, just hang in there everybody, its gonna be ok.

In Other News:

CARTER FAMILY VACATION 2006: T-MINUS 4 DAYS AND COUNTING!!! WILDMAN RANCH, HERE WE COME.... CAN YOU TAKE IT? I think our family t-shirts should read: Winners Never Quit, and CARTER'S Always WIN.

MAHAWWWWHAWWWHAWWW

Givin' me my reminders

Good Morning Dear Internet. It's cool and breezy here this am, slightly overcast, and if I did not know better, I would think that fall is on it's way. I know its only temporary relief from the summer heat, but it is so welcome.

Maybe with the weather, I woke up contemplative. Maybe it's the 21 day purging cycle I am in after my first Reiki atunement.... maybe both. All I know is things are flittering around in here, and I want to let some out.

For whatever reason, I decided to go back through my archives and read/remind myself of where I have come from to be here today. I want to say thank you again to all of you for listening, supporting, helping out, and in general, just holding my hand through everything. Every happy and sad thing that has happened in my life, that I have put out here to share/vent about while becoming a mother, moving across the country, living and moving forward, you have supported me.

I am on an interesting road these days, through therapy, reiki, love and trust I am finding a new way. Maybe I am finding what I always knew was there, and i am listening. Either way, for the first time in a long time I feel a blooming. I have begun to recognize choices that were made, best at the time, how they added stress and hardship to an already hard situation. Fer and I are finding ourselves again, and realizing that this is FUN. This life that is happening, ready or not.... we keep rollin, and its good. I can see how not to withdraw, retreat, seclude and deny what is difficult... it only makes it more so. I am letting go of a lot of things I thought I needed to feel safe, for safety is not realized by fear, and things are moving forward.

I am starting to feel the first pangs of wanting to have another child. My mom told me once that you have your first child to have it, and the second to do it right, and I can see now, how accurate that is. I mean, parenting in general seems like guesswork at best on a good day, but now that Elliott is 2, and my baby is becoming a child, I see how fast 2 years flies by, and how little things that threw me in the beginning would not be as daunting now because you begin to realize that everything really will be ok. And it is.

I see photos of us, when she was a bundle, and remember how I thought fairly often that I was going to fail at this job. That I was going to let her down. And now I realize, that I may. I may let her down, at some point in her life. But, I know I won't mean to, if I do. And I know that living in fear of that is worse than just learning to accept myself, try my hardest and know that I love Elliott at least as much as my mom loves me, and with that, we can do anything.

So I want to see, I want to see how different choices and learning from past pitfalls, could make a difference the second time around. Not a difference in the kid mind you.... but a difference in my experience of it all. And believe it or not, the hardcore truth is I want to experience delivery again. I'm not saying anytime soon. I am just saying that this morning I woke up, and the notion was there, accepted and welcome in my mind. We'll see where we go from here.

In Other News:
A day early (8/12):
Happy Birthday Mom. I know you won't read this on the weekend. I love you. Thanks for teaching me everything I know and always being here to share in it, good and bad. I know I am too independent for my own good, and i am starting to come back around. Thanks for always waiting for me.
xoxoxoxo
gayle

Sick Day

A Picture Share!, originally uploaded by nonobaddao.

It's 9:24am, and Elliott is home sick from school. Monday night, sometime in her sleep, she threw up. It was strange... no noise, no calls for me or Kris.... nothing. But we all awoke to a terrible scene in her bed, and at 7:10am she was stripped down and in the tub and I was doing laundry & cleaning floors. But she was no worse for the wear, and there was no fever, so off to school and work we all went. Last night for dinner, again... all things good to go... she ate a big dinner and was happy happy happy.

I went off to my Reiki attunement, (I am now level I!!) and when I got home, I went in to check on her as usual. She shot up out of a dead sleep the moment I turned the door knob, and told me she wanted a diaper change. No Problem! Except the moment I picked her up, I knew something was wrong... sure enough, within moments she was throwing up. Big time. After it was over, she was super sweet talking to us and Lilah, seeming fine, again. Not for long.

At 2:15am, I decided that it would be easier if I set up a makeshift bed on her floor. We slept till this am without any more incidents, and still no fever, but I can tell she is worn out. After breakfast we took a catnap on the couch together, and since then she has alternated resting on the couch and the floor.

My little cookie is hangin tough though, and has a mellow/lovey vibe today. Its mild out today, so the windows are open, and if we need to, we'll stay in our pj's all day.

Elmo cake tastes better

A Picture Share!, originally uploaded by nonobaddao.

Good Morning, I'm TWO!

A Picture Share!, originally uploaded by nonobaddao.

Not to be outdone by loving kindness

What I have been fearing the worst, until teenage years that is, is the terrible two's. I've known for some time that they were upon us... right around 18 months I started to see glimmers of impending doom. Now, I will admit that I have an incredibly mild-mannered, happy child overall, however when she blows a gasket or has a meltdown it is that much more of a confusing and horrible event. Partially because I am so not prepared for it, and therefore have no reasonable response, but I digress.

Ms. Elliott Rose Carter has learned to pitch fits that get her a timeout. And the interesting thing is that she wants the time out, all the way to the point of actually getting it. She will smack, talk back, yell at you to "Get out! Go to your Room! CLOSE THE DOOR!!!!!" all the way to smiling coylike and whispering "time out?" And of course, mad as hell, I say, Do you WANT a time out, because that is exactly what you are going to get if you do that one more time.

And she says: "One more time!" and does it.

And the screaming starts. Flailing of the limbs, crocodile tears, snot, and screams for BATI! ELMO! anything to drive the point home that she needs comfort, and I am SO not the one that she wants. It is so NOT a good time, but I hang strong. For I fear, fear is no way to control this one. She has none, and it does not look like she'll be aquiring that emotion anytime soon. But maybe thats a good thing.

Her new most annoying habit these days is when Kris and I are talking and not listening to her, she will tell whichever one of us seems appropriate: "Mommy, be QUIET." And she is serious as a heart attack. If you do not obey her command, she will repeat until you do. And do not tell her it is not nice, for that only brings the dragon out of the cave.

Oh, how I remember the days when all I wanted was for her to talk to me, and now, how I long for moments when she will BE QUIET.

In Other News:

Today is mad prep day for the weekend festivities, which we are ALL looking forward to. Ice Cream Cake, here we come! The slight summer cold I had last weekend is completely gone, thanks to 4xday of emergenc-c and things are lookin up up up.

-over and out-